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Hello, I’m Nicole, a y2 student studying biomed science and biobiz. Today, I will be sharing about the goodness and love the Lord has outpoured into my life! Growing up a cradle catholic, I was blessed to have known who Jesus was from a young age. However, I didn’t have a strong personal relationship with God, and I would often find myself falling asleep in mass. There were also moments of dread attending catechism classes, where I had felt excluded from the community. At that age, it was easy to confuse my feelings towards community with my feelings towards God and thus I felt that God too was excluding me from his circle.

Even though I did not remain with my parish community after confirmation, I was blessed to have my first tangible encounter with the Lord during confirmation retreat, which I believe was the starting point into truly seeking a life with Christ. This happened during mass after I had just gone through the washing of my feet by my parents. As I was waiting for everyone else to finish, I was praying to God and was suddenly touched by overwhelming emotions of love and gratitude for my God and I felt his pain. Tears couldn't stop flowing down my face for the entirety of mass and I remember furiously scribbling down how deep His love for us is even as we continue to hurt Him. I understood then the depths of His sacrifice and the kind of father God was. In spite of my unworthiness, He had called me His own and He revealed His unwavering love for me.

Throughout the years leading up to university, there were many highs and lows in my journey with the Lord. In sec 4, I started to struggle with anxiety and expectations of others and myself.  In my struggle, where I felt that no one around me could understand what I was going through, prayer became my refuge. And God listened. In moments of anxiety I would ask for strength and peace and Jesus would provide. I can’t quite put into words the feeling of serenity he would give me but it reminded me that I was not alone and that he heard me. I took solace in knowing that he understood my feelings even when I couldn’t put it into words. Mother Mary also became a big part of my life here. Praying the rosary became my weapon against anxiety, and I would often keep a rosary in my pocket, that I would hold every time I felt the rush of anxiety coming on.

God reassured me that even if I were to be alone, I would still have Him every step of the way.

After finally overcoming a huge bulk of my anxiety, which I can confidently say I would not have been able to do without god’s grace, I started to desire to continue pursuing a deeper relationship with God. Although I had come to encounter God’s redeeming grace, there were still moments of doubts throughout JC, especially when God had other plans for me that often did not align with my own. One instance of this would be choosing my CCA, where I originally wanted to join softball but ended up in service learning club. Even though I was initially disappointed, it ended up being one of the best parts of my JC experience reminding me of God’s faithfulness.

 As my relationship with God grew, so did my desire to share my faith and live my faith with others. As I was waiting to enter uni, I just so happened to see a friend’s post about Kickstart and CSA's FR and was prompted to sign up. Albeit my initial hesitance with entering a community again, given how I had previously felt alone in my parish community, God reassured me that even if I were to be alone, I would still have Him every step of the way. And that was enough for me.

As I was previously surrounded by mostly secular friends after confirmation, being in a community that desired to journey in faith with God has allowed me to grow immensely. It has not only allowed me to discover new things about myself but also opened up areas of my life that I had unconsciously closed off from God. Seeing how open the sisters were in my CG and how vulnerable they were able to be in sharing about their faith inspired me to do the same.

With that being said, my relationship with God is far from perfect. Uni life is not easy and I sometimes still find myself burdened with expectations of the world, and feeling unworthy in what God calls me to do. But throughout the changing seasons, I can now claim that God will never abandon us and is present even when we don’t realise it. As I was writing this testimony I was reminded of one of my favourite quotes from St Therese the story of a soul, “ God does not call those who are worthy, but those He chooses” It does not matter how much we feel we have sinned against God, for His love for us is unwavering. 

"God does not call those who are worthy, but those He chooses."

- St Therese

Brothers and sisters, whether you realise it or not the Lord has already chosen you to come live a new life with Him. So, will you accept His invitation?

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